Make a SPAM sandwich…

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.  What about when your in-box is loaded with spam? 

davidlubar

 used it as an inspiration for his hilarious blog post this morning, and he’s prompted me to come clean with a quirky hobby.  I save subject lines from spam emails and use them as titles for poems.  This is great fun, as you can imagine. Here’s my favorite so far, and yes, the title really was the subject line of an email I received…

WAFFLE BUTT

I have been sitting on the plastic lawnchair
all afternoon
sipping lemonade in the sun
and cannot possibly get up
to make you dinner.

My cool glass needs me.
Beads of condensation roll down its sides
and my book has five more chapters.
The forest green plastic
is woven in and out
like a first grade construction paper placemat
to keep me from falling through the aluminum base
to the warm prickly grass.
The plastic and I are one.

If I stand to get the chicken from the fridge
the chair will come along
stuck to my sweaty thighs for all time
or at least until I get to the door
and it falls off onto the porch.
Then I’d have those little squares on the backs of my legs
     for hours —
maybe even until dinner
and if we sit in these chairs to eat,
well, it would start all over again.

No.
We’d better order a pizza,
and I’ll just stay put.

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What’s in your email trash today?  If you find inspiration for a poem, I’d love to read it!